I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Buhtt sex?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
