My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
