i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I met the friendliest cop last night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
