the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
