Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
