Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i think i just lost a toe
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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