we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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