THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
