you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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