Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
