Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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