Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
