Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
