Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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