you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
