god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
