Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
