Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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