the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
