I think i peed on brittanys purse
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
