that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
