i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Shitshow foam night was such a success
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
