Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
