I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
