I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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