guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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