I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
