I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
