Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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