I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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