rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
