so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
