Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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