Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
