Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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