My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
