idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
