Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
