I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm always down for nudity.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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