I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
