; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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