I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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