Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
