I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
