i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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