Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
