You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
