Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So much rum. So many feels.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
