went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
