So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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